BOOK 3 · PART 4 · WEEK 1
Chapter 25
After
Recovery · Fear · Starting againFor a week, I refused to touch anything that glowed.
This was difficult on Te Waka Tōhorā.
Almost everything glowed eventually.
Te Rākau Kura.
Lantern paths.
Water channels.
Kiki.
Hemi's hands when he got annoyed.
I avoided the balancing chamber.
I avoided Reweti's oldest beams.
I even avoided the fountain near the market because it once flashed gold when I sneezed.
Hemi said I was being ridiculous.
Moemoeā told him to stop helping.
He tried again.
“You nearly burned out. That doesn't mean you never use it again.”
I stared at him.
He realised the irony.
“Okay. Coming from me, that sounded bad.”
“Very.”
My voice had become stronger since the Lower Relay mission.
The mesh still tightened under stress, but ordinary speech came easily now.
That should have felt like victory.
Instead I kept remembering the gold lines flooding through me.
How good it had felt for a few seconds.
How certain.
How dangerous.
Reweti did not force me back into training.
He gave me ordinary carving work.
Straight cuts.
Small repairs.
No Mīharo.
One afternoon I asked, “What if I do it again?”
He did not pretend not to understand.
“Then your people stop you again.”
“What if they can't?”
“Then we build better ways to make sure they can.”
That answer surprised me.
Mum crossed over for one night after hearing what happened. She did not lecture me. That was worse.
She sat on the edge of my bed and looked at the dried blood on the sleeve I had forgotten to change.
“Do you know what scared me most?” she asked.
I expected her to say that I nearly died.
“That you thought helping meant nobody was allowed to stop you.”
I looked down.
“Dave does that,” she said quietly. “He decides his reason is important enough that everyone else loses the right to say no.”
I hated the comparison. I also needed it. Good intentions did not automatically make my choices different from his.
Not trust yourself more.
Not be stronger.
Build systems around the risk.
World-Shaping was becoming less like being special and more like being responsible.
I was starting to prefer that.